dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
