k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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