so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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