i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
