this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.