She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
