EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.