I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
