the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.