they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT