Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"