I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub