Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial