Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
