I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
