she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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