can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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