Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
