At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
