moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
