I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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