yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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