just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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