i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Btw I puked in your glovebox
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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