Screwed.edu
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
