Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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