so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
