physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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