I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
