How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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