Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
