her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
