hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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