so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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