Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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