I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
