glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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