So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
