so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
