I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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