these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
