I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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