i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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