I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
