I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
