I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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