Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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