just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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