really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
