I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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