Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
