Umm I'm too high to move.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
