Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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