so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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