I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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