here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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