I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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