I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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