So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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