Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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