i permit you to call me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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