Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
