i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
