shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
