after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
