She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
