You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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