How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
