i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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