Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
