2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up backwards on a recliner
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
