I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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