she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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