you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
