My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize