It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
