is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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