I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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