I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
