Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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