I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
