I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
