I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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