Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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