We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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