Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
